Saturday, 10 November 2012

When did that happen?

When we are young, growing up seems so far away like it's on the other side of the universe. In my mind, I am still the cock sure teenager I always was. A little damaged over the last few years, mostly by my own doing. But still the same person inside. Still, the inevitable has happened and now I am... sigh... an adult. I don't know when it happened, but it did. I am not the skinny, fresh faced joyful character, naively stumbling through life with a grin on my face and a twinkle in my eye I used to be. I'm pretty sure my soul is charred and black and I have adopted a new take on my life focus. Still heading in the same direction as I always was, just a wandering soul enjoying the life I was given, but now I seem to hate people younger than me. Little urks claiming to have found out everything as if nobody has ever lived before they did. 

One of my friends said "the oldest story in the world, one day you're sixteen and planning for someday then quietly and without you ever really noticing, someday is today. Then someday is yesterday and this is your life". 

So now I'm left feeling like I've squandered my life. What do I want to do with myself? Time for a new direction. What do I love? What do I enjoy doing? 
- Photography
- Media
- Journalism
- Web design. 
- Fashion.
- Modern Art.
- Music. 
- Events management.

I think it might be time to go back to school. I work for a pretty big company, maybe it's time to pursue more job opportunities with them? I haven't wasted my life, I am clever enough. I have my hobbies and I have finally developed as sense of self.  I've found my soul mate. But I have kids making me feel out of date and waffling oldies telling me I'm naive and ill-informed about my decisions. If I didn't feel like the world was relentlessly caving in on me I'd probably be a little less dazed by the sea of chaos that stretches out ahead of me. 

Time to refocus. 



  1. I swear you've just written what I've been thinking for the past 2 years. I went back to uni after a year to finish my degree and I swear everything around me had changed and I felt older than my lecturers.
    Maybe I should crack out the knitting needles, horlicks and Downton Abbey now.... oh wait I do that!


  2. I guess you just need to have faith in yourself. Stay positive. x